The Stoics have often been associated with a passionless and emotionless way of life. However, as we delve deeper into the writings of philosophers like Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and Epictetus, we find a different reality. Love, it turns out, played a significant role in the lives of these Stoic thinkers. They loved deeply and unashamedly, albeit in their own unique way.
The Stoic Approach to Love
For the Stoics, love was not seen as a mere feeling but rather as a philosophical outlook. It was closely intertwined with their understanding of virtue and reason. Epictetus believed that only those who possess wisdom and rationality can truly appreciate and understand love. According to him, love is a power that lies within the wise.
Seneca, known for his emotional writing, repeatedly returns to the theme of love in his Epistles. He speaks of the joy that comes from our loved ones, whether they are present or absent. He urges us to cherish our friends while we can, as the duration of their presence in our lives is uncertain. Seneca also emphasizes the common bond that humans share, instilled by nature itself. Our fellowship is akin to an arch of stones, each supporting and relying on the other.
Balancing Love and Rationality
The Stoics, while embracing love, also acknowledged the potential dangers it posed. They were aware that excessive emotions could lead individuals astray, conflicting with their philosophy. Stoic happiness was synonymous with a life free from desire, pain, grief, and fear. Stoic thinkers would often compare the love of material possessions or personal desires to a feverish thirst—irrational and impossible to quench.
To mitigate the risks associated with love, Stoics practiced various exercises. Epictetus, for instance, recommended premeditating on potential losses. By reminding oneself of the transient nature of things, including loved ones, they aimed to maintain emotional balance. Marcus Aurelius, though struggling to follow these exact words, understood the importance of preparing for inevitable losses. Accepting the human condition and the limits imposed by nature was crucial, as it allowed one to focus on what is truly within their control.
Moderation: Central to Stoic Virtue
In Stoicism, moderation is an integral part of virtuous living. Stoics allowed themselves a range of emotional responses as long as they remained moderate and grounded in correct judgment. They recognized the importance of maintaining an active disposition, always in control and never passively surrendering to external influences. This dispassion did not equate to apathy or heartlessness; instead, it enabled a more rational and manageable approach to life’s challenges.
Stoic love was characterized by a sense of future loss, the potential for betrayal, and an understanding that feelings can change over time. With this awareness, the Stoic lover prioritized giving love over receiving it. They saw the virtue in others and recognized that their own disposition, not the attainment of love or sex, formed the foundation of their happiness. While individualized love held significance, it was not the extent or essence of love itself.
Armed with this philosophical armor, the Stoic lover approached the battlefield of love with a cool head and a strategic plan. In their pursuit of love, they would not fall prey to Romantic excesses. And if they did stumble, they knew how to pick themselves up again.
So, let us appreciate the Stoics’ profound understanding of love—a love that was both passionate and rational. As we navigate the complexities of relationships, let us not be overwhelmed by emotions but instead strive for a harmonious balance between love and reason.